If I were an animal, I would probably be a cat. It would be so unlike my current existence. I would dash around like a mad demon, and then fall asleep in a sunbeam. I would stretch luxuriously when I wake up (each time), and happily eat my crunchies when I felt like it. I would gobble down my wet food, and then turn up my nose at it the next day. There would be no worrying about whether I was doing the right thing, or fulfilling my true purpose. Because, as a cat, my true purpose would just be to *be*.
Once the gods were gone from people’s thoughts, their powers became limited. Once there were no heroes to emulate, no great thinkers to listen to, people acted on their own. And they made mistakes. And they learned from those mistakes. After a time, through growth from that learning, they became their own gods. And so the cycle began again.
Last year I was more than 20 pounds lighter. And then, life happened. At least, that’s my excuse. I’m a stress eater, and I know that. But does that knowledge stop me? No. It’s as if I’m convinced that I’ll never lose weight and keep it off, so I just don’t bother. I do have will power. Sometimes. But when my mind decides it wants comfort, I head for potato chips. Or if I’m out for dinner, I believe I deserve dessert, because there were so many years when I was a child that we couldn’t afford such a luxury. The brain doesn’t really help in these matters. I need to learn that *I* have the personal luxury of deciding what I eat and what I don’t, and that *I* have the luxury of improving my health.
I look up to people who clearly know their motivation, and their path. It would be so nice to start the day with purpose. Instead, each day starts in a fog. What should I do? What do I feel like doing? (Usually nothing.) I may have grandiose plans. Even great intentions. But I am hugely lacking in follow-through. If only there were a magic fix.
I feel purposeful when I have a distinct goal in mind. Typically, this involves a plan to donate pet beds/blankets to some specific group by a specific date. It’s when I don’t have a goal, or a deadline, or I’m surrounded by stuff, that I become aimless, and lose motivation.
I’m worried that I will lose my momentum. In fact, I worry about this all the time.
Mind you, perhaps I should try to gain some before I worry about losing it.
When I want to relax I start working on a jigsaw puzzle. There is something so satisfying about watching a picture come together. This is especially true when you don’t know what it will be in advance. When I am finished, I can look at what I have completed, and then move on to something else. I don’t need to keep what I have finished, but there is still a sense of accomplishment that lingers from such a simple pastime.
If I were taller maybe I’d be thinner. Or not.
You see, I have very long arms. And very long legs. But I have a short torso. Now, if I had grown taller, perhaps the torso would have thinned out, and I would be a gorgeous amazon.
On the other hand, I don’t see much point in causing people to stare. I’d rather be known for my intellect, and my kind and compassionate demeanor.
Did I mention I have deep blue hair?
Sometimes I like to dream about what live would be like in a few years. I see myself as a musician, confidently playing guitar and singing in front of an audience. Or I see quilts that I have pieced and quilted. I see a perfect garden in our yard. Or I see a lovely meal that I have prepared.
The problem with this dreaming is that I don’t seem to plan accordingly. So I always think how wonderful it would be, but I don’t make any plans to bring it about.
Dreaming is fine. But there has to be both intent, and action, to bring results. I’m working on both.
I don’t like it when I second guess myself.
Some days, it’s all I can do to keep moving forward. Then, when I am moving, I wonder if I’m doing it in the best manner. Should I be doing something else? Should I focus elsewhere? Should I do a little bit of everything? It’s small wonder that it never feels as if I’m making progress.
One day I would like to just start out working on something, and carry it through to the end, without getting sidetracked.