Giving Up

Today was a happy day.

What was notable about it is that there were two distinct moments this morning when I felt exceptionally happy, and I was aware of that feeling when it happened.

This led me to thinking about happiness triggers, and how I can make them happen again.

At this moment, I should perhaps note that, like many thousands of others, I experience degrees of depression. So moments of happiness are remarkable for me, in that they are, sadly, rare. (Most of the time, it feels like I’m just moving through the day, neither happy, nor unhappy.)

Anyway.

The first time was this morning when I was practising guitar. I was playing, and singing, the first song I ever wrote complete with music. And I realized, as I was singing, that this song makes me very happy. There are a few reasons for this, and I will freely admit that the fact that others seem to like the song is very high on the list. I wrote it in honour of Pete Seeger, and of Garvin, my voice teacher. And through some sort of dumb luck, I wrote it squarely within my vocal range, so that it is a pleasure for me to sing. And, bonus, the song itself makes me feel good. (It’s about the power of music, and what it can do – something I feel very strongly about.)

The second time was when I was walking on the treadmill, and watching the first episode of The Closer. There was a moment when Brenda stood up to her team, showing that, dammit, she was going to persevere regardless of how they felt about her. She would not give up.

And perhaps that is why, overall, I felt happy today. I haven’t given up.

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