Guilt

It’s 4:30 am on a Tuesday and I’m wide awake.
I’m not sure what woke me from a sound sleep, but I do know that thoughts are now dancing around in my head that are keeping me awake. Why did I say that? What was I hoping would happen? And why am I still feeling so ashamed about it? Why, after all these years, does it still matter to me.
The truth of the matter is that it does. No matter what I may have done wrong, or what I think I have done wrong, the thoughts continue to upset me years after the actions don’t matter anymore. These thoughts keep me awake at night. Or they wake me from a troubled dream, in which the same arguments happen over and over again.
I wonder what it must be like to be a normal person.

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