When I hit the wall in sewing, or can’t think of a line to save my life, I walk away for a bit and do something different. (Sadly, that different frequently means watching television, but I digress.)
As long as I give my mind something else on which to focus, whatever I’m working on, or worried about, can go on the back burner. And, happily, my back burner works fairly well at coming up with solutions to problems.
Mind you, I haven’t yet found a solution to procrastination on the back burner. I can’t imagine why…
I have always believed in the saying, “what goes around, comes around.” I believe that if you try to do good things, good will come back to you.
I try to act in accordance with this. Not so much to make good come to me, but, perhaps more to keep bad from coming to me.
I also believe that life is too short to worry about the small stuff. And, you know, a whole lot of it is small stuff.
What I wanted most back then was reassurance. I wanted to know that a everything would turn out okay.
Most of the indicators back then were that I was going to be lonely in the future. I had very little experience with dating. (That is – none – except for my ex-husband before we were married.)
I am the adult child of an alcoholic, and I divorced an abusive husband.
I had low self esteem, and, as a woman with no university degree, very few prospects for a well-paying job.
On the other hand, my background experience makes me experience what I have now so much more than if life had been easier. I know that I have a wonderful husband. I have good friends, cats, and a house. Life is good.
I like to start my day with a cup of coffee.
I know. I’m totally not unusual in that way.
I finish my breakfast, and browse Facebook, and I play a couple of computer games.
It’s nice to be able to gear up to the day at a leisurely pace. There were many years when this just wasn’t possible, even on weekends. But now that I’m retired, it’s a different story.
A nice, hot cup of coffee.
There’s nothing better.
My favorite activity is to have a really great discussion with someone.
No, I don’t mean, “Nice weather, eh?” That’s small talk.
I mean really settling in and discussing hard stuff. Like how a better government would work. How we could give health care to everyone. How we could all share. And how we can change the world by changing attitudes.
For example – what if everyone earned a living wage? What if all jobs were valued the same, so that a sanitation worker earned the same amount as a CEO? Or a musician? Or a waitress? What if we finally admitted that these jobs – the ones typically considered as menial – are as important to the survival of society as executive positions in companies. Actually, why are executives considered important? Really? What do they bring to the table for society?
This is the stuff I like to discuss, and to speculate on. This is where my true enjoyment lies.
Well, that, or a cup of tea and a good book.
I am my own worst enemy.
I am the one who constantly puts myself down. I am the one who believes I cannot do something without making a mess of it.
You’d think, with this self knowledge, that I would know how to stop this nonsense, yes?
Habit is a strong thing. When one is in the habit of constantly putting oneself down, one has to first be aware of the habit, and then notice each and every instance of it. One has to learn a new mantra. “I can do this.” “I am not useless.” “I do not make a mess of things.” ” I have worth.”
Sadly, these are not things learned by many. Especially by many women.
But, as I said, *I* am my own worst enemy.
And I must stop this now.
I will stop this now.
I can do this.