Trust and Rules

The greatest lesson I have had to learn is to trust myself. It seems that I set myself rules everyday, to determine what I have to do, and how much to do. And then, the next day, I “break” those rules. And feel guilty. Since I’m the one who “set” the “rules”, that doesn’t make any sense. I need to learn that, however much I decide to do in a given day, and how I decide to do things, those are the right “rules” for that day. I know myself best. (Or at least I think I do. I’m still working on that.)

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Unorganized

The title of my life would be “Woman, Unorganized”.

My surroundings seem to constantly mimic the state of my mind. Everything does have a place, sort of. Mind you, that place may change from time to time. The main problem, though, is that there are *too many* things to fit in that place. As I read recently, “you can’t organize excess.” Perhaps that’s why my brain has so many problems shutting off so that I can go to sleep. There are too many thoughts flitting about in there, with not enough room to call home.

Cats

How can such little creatures

Make such an impact on our life

So comforting to hold them

Their loss cuts like a knife

My Husband

The best thing about yesterday was that I got to spend time with my best friend, my husband.

To me, he is the most wonderful person in the world, and I love spending time with him. If I were to define the feeling of being “at home”, it would be “time spent with my husband”.

I know that I am truly blessed, and incredibly fortunate to have him in my life.

Differences

The difference between us and animals is, um, well…

I would say that it’s our responsibility to care for others, but there are many well-documented cases of animal mothers caring for animal babies of different species.

It’s certainly not the colour of our blood.

And it’s not the capacity to reason, or feel pain.

Perhaps it’s that we *know* when we’re doing damage to the planet.

Or that *we* are the ones doing damage.

Prayer to Gaia

Mother Earth, with all thy grace,
Grant us peace here in this place.
Teach us how all lives to love
Shelter with thy skies above

Teach us how to right the wrongs
Grant us harmony with thy songs
Let us learn to love ourselves
And in thy mysteries to delve

Help us learn to heal all wounds
And lift all here so love abounds

One Day

I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to be. Well, sometimes it’s “What do I want to be when I grow up.” But I digress.

I want to be someone who knows herself, and who lives her life to the fullest. And with my brain, that’s not easy. There are so many things going on in there – it’s like my thoughts are having a party, and I’m not invited. (It doesn’t make sleep easy either.)

But the picture is becoming clearer. I am starting to thin out my closet (thin – hah!) to contain only clothes that I like, and that “fit” my self image. I am trying to clean off my desk to make a more calming and peaceful place to work. And I am trying to be easier on myself – to quit beating myself up when I seem to be backsliding, or confused – again.

One day, I will get there. Today is not yet the day.